What message are you sending to the world? Whatever you say or do, it sends some kind of message.
I see women watering down their message all the time in business, with disastrous results, because they remain invisible and have no impact.
They might not even know they’re doing it. All they know is they’re not getting clients or making money.
Maybe that’s not your problem. But are you watering down your life? Are you being the real “you” in all your glory, or are you presenting a dampened version of yourself in order to keep the peace?
How’s that working for you?
I mention it because for much of my life I watered myself down. I lacked the confidence to blossom into who I really was, although there was somebody inside of me who really wanted to do that.
I wasn’t even sure I was allowed to blossom. As if I needed permission!
I got married to someone who turned out to be a controlling person. In marriage you sometimes have to compromise but this was ridiculous. Often I would bow my neck, but sometimes I would acquiesce because it was just easier than dealing with outbursts and rages.
Well, I learned my lesson. Acquiescing to a controller may buy you some time, but changing yourself for someone else rarely works in the long run. Their demands usually just get bigger, and for you it can lead to resentment, flagging self-esteem, depression and even illness.
That marriage didn’t work out, of course. Divorce sucks, but the upside was getting myself back. That’s my “Self” with a capital “S,” in living color. I was done playing small and really enjoyed exploring every possible side of my being.
Things went well until someone else came along who SEEMED like a nice guy. And then the alien popped out, and one day he announced that he wanted to go through my closet and tell me what I could wear.
Are you kidding me?
I didn’t show him the door immediately. In retrospect, I probably should have, but I didn’t because we’d been friends for a long time. And frankly, I was just in shock!
First I was shocked that anyone would say that.
Then I was shocked that they would say it, and it wasn’t a joke.
Then I was shocked that they could say it and think that I would go along with it.
Guess they didn’t know me very well!
Here’s where being clear in your message comes in. I said, “That’s not going to happen!”
Because I know my bottom line. That relationship was important to me, but I had fought long and hard for my freedom and I wasn’t going to give that up. I enjoy putting my own wardrobe together, and by the way, I’m not six years old!
Having a clear message is a good way to clear a room — and clear the wrong people out of your life.
But you have to know your message and be able to stand in it. Is there a message you need to share instead of pussy-footing around?
Because what we’re really talking about is your wellbeing. If you’re suppressing yourself in order not to make waves, you’re suppressing your life force, and that’s not healthy.
If you’re wobbling in your message and willing to compromise your own values, you’re actually living from your false self.
It’s so much more fun and so much more enlivening to be unabashedly yourself — to have the confidence to own that and let the chips fall as they may. You can’t be a vibrant, happy, fulfilled and free-spirited woman if you’re worried about what someone is going to do because of it.
So whether it’s in your business or your personal life, stand in your value, mean your message, and don’t water it down.
If someone feels intimidated by who you are, it’s a sign that they need to work on themselves and their own insecurities rather than expect you to become something you’re not.
If you don’t know your message or you’d like to work on it, or you’d like to explore what it might feel like to become that free-spirited woman you’ve always wanted to be, you can always contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
As always, I welcome your comments. And feel free to share if you found this article interesting or helpful!
With Love and Appreciation,
Bestselling author and speaker Jill Hendrickson has helped hundreds of people worldwide transform their lives through the power of words. Jill’s first news story in Washington, D.C., made the front page of a newspaper. Another of her early stories ended up on Good Morning, America. Now, instead of helping big news organizations, Jill helps people like you turn your “mess” into your compelling message so you can reach a global audience and live the vibrant life you deserve. You can reach her at email@example.com. to find out how to start your journey!